Thursday, August 22, 2013

Fears vs Dreams

This Summer at the Metallica concert, there was a booth set up for the organization To Write Love on Her Arms. You can check it out here. They help people who are struggling with addiction, depression, self-injury and suicide. I bought this bracelet to support the organization and it basically describes my life in 3 words.

I've always said that I've lived my life based on my fears. The biggest of these fears is the fear of failing. My stance has always been to not even try because I don't want to fail. Why have I been so afraid? I dealt with these issues that TWLOHA helps people with as a teenager/young adult and it was hard. Who doesn't have fears at that age? Who isn't confused and looking for the right way out? Looking back on it I see it from a different perspective and just think, "What were you doing?" Then I look at me now and think, "What are you doing?"

I don't know when exactly I began to let my fears guide me, but it has kept me from following my dreams for far too long. I dream of writing a book, I dream of helping other people by sharing my story, I dream of singing, I dream so many things, but the fears always stifle the dreams. I am afraid of trying and failing. I am afraid of letting everyone around me down. I am afraid of not being good enough. I am afraid of falling into old habits. I am afraid that I will hate myself again if I fail. I've always set this impossible standard for myself. It's almost like I want to fail, but I don't. Deep down that's not what I want. I want to follow my dreams. I need to stop being so afraid of EVERYTHING and live my life. 

Fears vs Dreams... I don't want to look back on my life and ask myself, "Why?" "Why did you let your fears win?" "Why didn't you follow your dreams?" Life is scary. Especially as a teenager/young adult when you are trying to figure out who you are and when you start thinking for yourself. There are better ways to handle things than the way I handled them. There is hope. You can follow your dreams. You can live the life that you want to live. Stop living in fear! There are people you can talk to, there are people willing to help you. Don't let your fears win!

So now I am left thinking... "Is it too late?" "Have I wasted too much time?" "Where do I go from here?"...

To be cont...

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