Thursday, February 28, 2013

Thoughtful Thursday

Last weekend I started doing some creative writing again. It's something that I have always loved to do, but I never take the time to do it anymore. I wanted to share what I wrote and will hopefully make this a recurring thing on Thursdays. I wrote the following poem about things that have happened throughout my life. Don't judge me too harshly. It is a rough draft so I haven't edited it. These are my raw thoughts. 

Who am I?

Always smiling on the outside
a shoulder to lean on
someone to talk to
Dying Inside

Never taking the time
to love myself
always focused on others
Dying Inside

Screaming for help
needing attention
asking the wrong people
Dying Inside

Reliving the past
day after day
never moving on
Dying Inside

Now here I am 
wanting to change
not knowing how
Crying Inside

Where do you start
when all your life
has just been a lie?
Crying Inside

Wanting you to see me
for who I really am
but even I don't know
Crying Inside

Now here I stand
asking, searching
feeling so broken
Crying Inside

So what defines me
no one can tell me
 but who I am is not wrong
Healing Inside

I'm starting to realize
that person I was
made me who I am
Healing Inside

I can take all those years
and say a big thank you
thank you for making
Healing Inside

I am who I am 
no one defines me
It's okay to be myself
Healing Inside

I don't have to be
that sad, lonely girl
I'm better than that
Smiling Inside

No longer surrounded
by all of those people
who said they cared, but never showed it
Smiling Inside

I've got all I need
in my own heart and soul
I don't need your attention
Smiling Inside

So who am I?
I don't need a definition
I just need to live
Smiling Inside

I don't care anymore
who you think I am
I'm happy, I'm growing
Living Inside

No more fake smiles
nor selfish intent
what you see is what you get
Living Inside

I've learned to love
despite my flaws
despite all my wrongs
Living Inside

I love who I am 
take it or leave it
your approval's not needed
Living Inside

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Power 90 Day 1

Today was day 1 of Power 90. The first day you just go through the Toning Circuit. It wasn't too bad. It was mostly lunges, push-ups (the girly version to start with for me) and arm exercises. I felt like I cheated because I wasn't sweating when I got done. So when I got home from church tonight I decided to go ahead and run a quick mile on the dreadmill. The picture didn't turn out very well, but it really does say 10:55!  

It felt good to push myself. I was definitely sweating when I got done. (It also helped me not feel guilty about eating that brownie.)

I took a couple of screenshots of my Fitbit app for the day to give you a picture of how it helps me. It gives you a quick snapshot of everything in one place.

Ignore the Sleep section. I forgot to stop it when I woke up.
I am loving it. It has been an extremely helpful tool so far. It's great to have all the information in one place and makes it easier to stay on target.

Day 2 is Cardio and Abs. We'll see how it goes...

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Down 1.8

Today's weigh in was successful. I'm down another 1.8. I'm only 5 pounds away from my lowest weight last year! This makes me think counting calories is definitely the way to go for me. At least it is for now.

Today was supposed to be another off day but we are going out tonight so I thought I should at least run a mile on the dreadmill since it is raining here. It didn't feel as torturous as normal. I just kept thinking, "Get through the 1st 3-4 songs on your playlist. Listen to Shinedown and enjoy your run." This helped me through it. I ran it in 10:57.

 I was a little worn out afterwards, but it felt great.

I found a new program to try for exercising to do along with my running. I have read a lot about Insanity and P90X. I thought that I am way too out of shape to try those programs so I found one that the reviews say is more for beginners than the others. Hopefully that is the case. It is called Power 90. I am going to start it tomorrow. I'll keep you updated on how it goes.

There are some things coming up that I am looking forward to sharing with you, but I will have to save that for another day. For now, I'm just thankful for another successful week.

Sunday, February 24, 2013


This marks my 50th post! Blogging is something that I have really been enjoying. I like sharing this journey with you and want to say Thank You! Thank you for reading. It's an encouragement to me. 

We have had a good weekend. We went to see Identity Thief yesterday. It was hilarious. I definitely recommend seeing it. Afterwards we went to Tumbleweed and I ate the most unhealthy thing of the week. I stayed in my calories, but I only walked  4,700 steps yesterday so I wasn't too happy with myself. I regretted going out, but I have to learn to make better choices when we do. The free chips and salsa are not really free. 

Today we had a guest speaker at church, then got to witness a baptism followed by a potluck dinner. I tried to eat within my calories and I think I was successful but I just had to guesstimate. All of my pictures lately have just been of my face after I run so I wanted to post an updated picture. This one is from this morning. 

I can see a little change. I still have a long way to go, but I know it will happen. 

Today was a running day. It's amazing to me how my attitude about it has changed. I know I can run it and I just do it. I don't count down the minutes or think of how miserable I am the entire time. I can push myself and still enjoy it. I know that I won't always feel like this about it so I am enjoying it while I can. Running is also a great way to relieve stress. As an added bonus, I cut a minute and 4 seconds off my time!


Friday, February 22, 2013


Today I did not have a run scheduled, but it felt like a good day for one. It was in the 40's and so I decided to just do a quick run and I could turn around and come back home whenever I wanted. So I started running. I was listening to Shinedown (of course) and I felt good. I got through the 1st mile and thought, maybe I can run 3.1 miles today. Once the thought was in my head, it wouldn't go away. My fun, unscheduled run turned out to be a huge milestone for me.

I was able to run the entire 3.11 miles! No walking! It seems crazy to me. It is so encouraging and gives me motivation to keep pushing myself. I really feel like this is my time, the changes are going to happen.

I was pretty excited when I finished:

Now, I need to figure out what kind of strength training I need to do in between my running days. Any suggestions?

Thursday, February 21, 2013

1 Mile and Randomness

So I was supposed to run today...I decided to run a mile on the treadmill just to see if I could run it at a steady pace and to see how fast I could push myself. I was going to try to run at at 5 mph for a 12 minute mile...   

I was actually able to go a little faster than I thought! It's definitely progress. I still am not a fan of the dreadmill though. 

I bought some new jeans this weekend and decided to take a picture compared to the size 20 jeans I used to wear. The new ones are a size 14. You can tell a little difference. I still have a ways to go, but I'm getting there. 

A couple of other random clothing pics (since not much happened today to take a picture of):

Shoes from Meijer that I thought were super awesome.
Hoodie from the concert this weekend even more awesome than the above picture.

We have eaten pretty healthy this week so far. I have stayed within my calorie range. I made homemade spaghetti sauce (that I kept forgetting to take a picture of) so we had spaghetti for 2 nights. Tonight I made tacos. Not sure what the plan is for the weekend, but it's always tougher for me to stay within my range. Too many temptations. That just means I should run more to earn more calories. Simple, right?

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

On the Right Track

This week has been very successful. It's a good feeling to be back on track. I'm down 2! I'm back at the weight I was last April. 

I had a good run yesterday. I only walked about 7 minutes of the 42:20. That's the longest I have run in a long time. It was beautiful out and I felt great. 

The journey feels different this time. I think my attitude about it is different. My resolve is stronger. Last year started out really well, but I stopped trying and I don't want that to happen this time. This needs to be a permanent change. I want it to be permanent. I can do this. I will do this.

The only thing keeping me from changing is myself and I am worth it. I have always had issues with seeing my self-worth. I think that is a big piece of this puzzle. It's the key to my transformation. I need to realize that I am worth more than this, that I deserve better than the way I am now. Sometimes our thoughts are harder to change than our physical habits. You tell yourself something for so long that you really believe it. That is about to change. I am going to work on retraining my thoughts. This is the next big step for me.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Inspired by Shinedown

Music is one of the most amazing things in the world. It encompasses so many different emotions. It can cheer you up, make you think, make you cry, motivate and inspire. It's universal.

Last year Lucas and I started going to a few concerts. I had no idea what I was missing! We went to the Uproar Festival in September. We really wanted to see two of the main bands that were playing. We only knew a couple of the songs that the headlining band sang so we weren't too sure about them, but we decided to stay. I am so glad that we did. I left that night with a new favorite band...Shinedown.

Not only did they put on a great show, their music was beautiful. I know that's not typically a word used for rock music, but I don't know how else to describe it. I have never felt so connected to music. It was an unforgettable feeling. I have been running to their music ever since.

So when I heard they were coming to Lexington, I knew we had to go.

The second time we saw them was even better than the first.

Their music is so encouraging and the lead singer went through a huge transformation over the past year or so. He changed. I've always heard "people never change" and that is a very discouraging thought. People do change, I can change. It's inspiring. If you set your mind to do something you can do it. I want to be like that. I want to inspire people and touch their lives. One song can have such a big impact, it can make you look at life differently or express something that you feel, but don't know how to say. That is why I love music. That is why I love Shinedown. They say things that I feel, that I think and they say it in a way that resonates. 

Towards the end of the show, Brent said that he wanted the crowd to have the best night of our lives and that he wanted us to levitate out of there; that we should have such a good time that we floated home. Mission successful. I had a fantastic night and I can't wait until they come back. 

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day was a good day. I made cupcakes for work. They were delicious. Baking is something that I really enjoy, I just can't keep whatever I make at home. It's too tempting. Thankfully, the people at work usually eat whatever I bake so it's not an issue.

I went for a run when I got home. It was a good day for a run. I made it 3.11 again. Hooray! My pace was a little better than last time too so that was encouraging. (I have not exercised any since this run. I thought I learned my lesson last time, but I still have some work to do.)

We had supper at Longhorn and I stayed within my calories. That is a big accomplishment for me. I usually go over my limit when we go out. It felt good.

Lucas bought the best Valentine's Day present:
I have been debating buying one for awhile and now that I have it I wish I had it sooner. It tracks steps per day and how many flights of stairs you climb. It syncs with Sparkpeople so when I log my food there it shows up in my Fitbit app on my phone. It gives a more accurate view of how many calories you burn throughout the day and how many it's okay to eat to still be able to lose weight. It also has a wristband to wear when you sleep. You hold the button when you are about to fall asleep and it starts a timer. You hold the button again when you wake up and it logs how long you slept. It tells you how many times you awakened throughout the night so you can see if you are getting a restful sleep. It's pretty awesome. I think it is going to be a very useful tool in my weight loss journey.

We saw Shinedown again last night!! I'll post about it tomorrow, but let me just say I levitated out of there. (Don't worry, I'll explain what that means.)

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Lazy Week

Any guesses on what tonight's post is about? I only ran on Thursday and today. Lazy. I didn't keep track of anything I ate. My weight fluctuated like crazy this week. I weighed anywhere from 192 to 196. Thankfully, I am back down to 193.4 from the 196. It is a gain of .2 this week, but I am glad it's not a gain of 3 like it could have been.

Today I decided to start counting calories again instead of Weight Watchers. It seems to be easier for me. It worked when I did it last year, so I am going to try it again. I think WW would work if I actually kept track of everything, but it takes more time to figure weight watchers points than to keep track of everything via Sparkpeople. I need to stick with this. I need to change.

On a happier note, I ran 3.13 miles today! It's the farthest I have run since high school. Color Run here I come!

 My pace was slower than my last run, but I ran farther and it was definitely a good feeling.

I went to the park to run today.  The scenery is better than running through the neighborhood. It has a mile track and it's not too crowded this time of the year.

My determination has come back and I am ready to do this.

I will leave you with a quote I found on Pinterest that pretty much sums of my week. It's all about choices.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Catching Up

It's been almost a week since I posted. I'm not sure what happened...

Monday I ran on the dreadmill again. It was torture... again. I watched a show on Netflix and it made it go a little faster. I ran at a 14:24 pace. The incline was set at 1 and I tried to run at a consistent pace, but I'm still working on that. I have a hard time judging how fast to set the pace.

Thankfully, it stopped raining/snowing/sleeting and I was able to run outside again. We actually had a beautiful 60 degree day in February. I left work early Wednesday with a horrible headache, but Thursday afternoon it was too beautiful to skip my run.

I was very happy with my time: 13:12 average pace. I'm getting closer to the 3 mile mark. The Color Run is great motivation and I get a little more excited about it after every run.  

I was down .6 pounds when I weighed in Tuesday. I do pretty well during the week and then the weekend comes and it's like I don't even try. This weekend I am trying to do better. It's all about choices. I need to keep telling myself, "I will make better choices."

Saturday, February 2, 2013

1st Indoor Run of 2013

So, I cleaned off the dreadmill today. The sidewalks are snow covered and running inside just seemed safer. It was exhausting. Today for C25K there was a 5 minute warm-up, 8 minute jog, 5 minute walk, 8 minute jog and a 5 minute cool down. Our house is about 40 degrees warmer than what I've been running in outside. My average pace was about 1 minute slower. It feels so different running on the treadmill. It didn't help that the one song I really don't like on my playlist started playing when I started the 1st 8 minute run. I just looked and the song lasts 7 minutes. I knew it felt like it lasted forever. I will definitely be updating my playlist before my next run. Anyway, I did finish and felt drained afterwards. I think that's how you're supposed to feel after exercising though. 

The one upside to running today:

I got to run in my new shoes. They were on sale 45% off this week. They are the girliest running shoes I have ever owned.

Only 14 more days until we go to see Shinedown again. I'm very excited about it. Last year we saw them at the Rockstar Uproar Festival. We actually went to see the other 2 bands that were playing and Shinedown was headlining. I left with a new favorite band. They are playing at "Corruptarena" (as it is called in my family) and we're going to see them again. Their new single debuts this week: "I'll Follow You." It's a beautiful song. I can't wait!